Trump Meets Dr. Menace

Menard. Me. Who E.A.C.?

Comedy sketch: President Trump gets called in to speak with Dr. Menace, at his Laboratory. Scene: Secret Service and Military surround the Laboratory, while Trump walks to the front door. Its a Golden Spiral. The President looks at it, looking around while he pulls at a notepad and pen to sketch a drawing of it. He rings the door bell. Cascading octaves reverberate through the inside of the laboratory, as the Golden Spiral appears to have electricity flowing around the structure of it. The door opens, in a manner that appears to defy gravity. Trump nods in approval, as hes thinking about getting one for the oval office bathroom. He walks further into the laboratory. Yellow markings on the floor that read in Neon glitter, "Follow Me". Trump glances around nervously, wondering if something is following him. He told the Secret Service to stay outside, because of Dr. Menace being such an introvert, anything spooking him might set something off in the laboratory. Or someone with a non harmonic resonance to the place activates the emergency jettison device, and some public servant gets served dinner in the mile high club somewhere over a rainbow. So, in the interests of public good, they have to wait outside. A muttering voice is heard from behind the rafter of equipment and paper work, grumbling, "I don't know what to call the guy, Don, Don Juan, Trump, or Mr. President." I'll just surprise him, and speak first with "What's up dude"? Hearing that, Don Juan stops in his tracks, looks behind to see how far away the door is, grimices, and slowly shuffles forward, nervously clearing his throat, and pipe "hi"!..... Upon hearing that, Dr. Menace turns quickly around and exclaims, "hey dude! Whats up"? Before Don Juans jaw hit the floor, Don caught it..... Luckily for him, because that floor is made of Solid Titanium, and unlike the World Trade Center Airplanes, it will break bones. Dr. Menace goes into a long triad about how using Mr. is derived from the English, and Don is too generic, and Trump is too broad, while Don Juan fits nicely. D

(Continued)

Yes, yes, uh Don Juan, don't mind the Sock, it babbles on from time to time, especially when a wrong key stroke is entered into the tricorder. (Confused, Don Juan digs in his pocket for a tic tac.) Now, there are some issues that we need to discuss Don. Do you mind if I call you Juan, Don? (Don still looks confused, and as if he in another Universe, and looks behind him to see if the door is still there or not.) Yeah, the issue is about the Corporation thing you got going..... Or not going is the better way of putting it. Corporations as Governments......So outdated Juan. Oh yes, then there is this Maritime Admirality Law thing, yep, it's gotta go... Do it for the children Juan......:) Don continues looking at Juan, he Don sees because Dr. Menace is holding up a two way holographic mirror. Dr. Menace asks Don to ask Juan if he would like a comb for his hair. Meanwhile, Trump is still at the door, wondering if he should really make the Secret Service Agents wait outside or not, before going in. 

 Scene: The Laboratory of Dr. Menace

(Secret Service agents and military personnel surround a futuristic laboratory. The entrance is a massive Golden Spiral, glowing with an electric aura.)

[Enter President Trump]
(Trump pauses at the entrance, eyes narrowing as he admires the Golden Spiral. He pulls out a notepad and sketches it.)

Trump (muttering): "This... this would look great in the Oval Office bathroom. Very classy. Best spiral. Best door. Nobody has doors like this."

(He rings the doorbell. Cascading octaves reverberate inside the laboratory as the Golden Spiral pulses with energy. The door opens in a manner that seems to defy gravity.)

Trump (nodding in approval): "I gotta get me one of these. Maybe two."

(He steps inside. The floor is marked with glowing neon letters reading: "Follow Me". Trump glances around nervously.)

Trump: "Wait... is someone following me? Oh, right. I told the Secret Service to stay outside. Can’t have them triggering any weird gizmos. I don’t need some senator getting launched into orbit. That'd be bad. Maybe."

(A voice mutters from behind a mountain of equipment and paperwork.)

Dr. Menace (grumbling): "What do I even call this guy? Don? Don Juan? Trump? Mr. President? Eh, let’s go with something cool."

(Dr. Menace suddenly leaps out from behind the equipment, waving.)

Dr. Menace: "Hey dude! What’s up?"

(Trump freezes. His eyes dart toward the exit. He grimaces and slowly shuffles forward, clearing his throat.)

Trump (cautiously): "Uh... hi?"

Dr. Menace: "Dude, Don Juan! Great to meet you!"

(Trump’s jaw drops. Before it hits the floor, he catches it just in time.)

Trump: "Whew... that was close. That floor is solid titanium. Woulda been worse than a bad poll number."

Dr. Menace (rambling): "See, ‘Mr.’ is too English, ‘Don’ is too generic, and ‘Trump’ is too broad. But Don Juan? Now that fits nicely. Got a zing to it!"

Trump (tilting head): "You know... Don Juan. I like it. It’s got style. Romance. Very presidential."

(Dr. Menace smirks and gestures toward a small sock puppet sitting on a counter. The sock twitches.)

Dr. Menace: "Yes, yes, uh Don Juan, don't mind the Sock, it babbles on from time to time, especially when a wrong key stroke is entered into the tricorder."

(Confused, Don Juan digs in his pocket for a tic tac.)

Dr. Menace: "Now, there are some issues that we need to discuss, Don. Do you mind if I call you Juan, Don?"

(Don still looks confused, as if he is in another universe. He glances behind him to check if the door is still there.)

Dr. Menace: "Yeah, the issue is about the Corporation thing you got going... Or not going, is the better way of putting it. Corporations as governments? So outdated, Juan. Oh yes, and then there’s this Maritime Admiralty Law thing—yep, it’s gotta go. Do it for the children, Juan."

(Dr. Menace lifts a two-way holographic mirror, reflecting a second image of Trump labeled ‘Juan.’ Don stares in shock.)

Dr. Menace (grinning): "Hey Don, ask Juan if he’d like a comb for his hair."

(Meanwhile, outside, Trump is still at the door, rubbing his chin. He wonders if he should really make the Secret Service Agents wait outside before stepping in...)

[Fade to black.]

[Lights flash back on. A low hum fills the air.]

Dr. Menace (grinning): "Alright boys, we’re done playing games. We’ve raised our flag. Engage the tractor beams from the Father Ship orbiting the Earth, and let's just lift that Oval Office right into the cargo bay."

(A deep mechanical rumble shakes the room as a massive tractor beam locks onto the White House, slowly pulling the entire Oval Office into orbit.)

Trump (stumbling): "Whoa! Whoa! Easy now! I just got the carpets cleaned!"

Dr. Menace (squinting at a monitor): "And if you catch Elon in his Butt Hole Sputter Can trying a sneak attack, launch the flame thrower and light his butt crack up!"

Trump (squinting at the monitor): "Yeah, yeah, that’s SpaceX, right? You know, I actually helped fund that—WAIT, WHAT?!"

(A distant explosion lights up the sky as the tractor beam completes its mission.)